addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
