I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
