I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
