A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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