It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
