This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
