I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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