it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
