I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
