dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
