Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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