If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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