The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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