I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
