Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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