I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
