Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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