but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
