the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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