Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
