I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
