I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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