Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
