omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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