Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I lost the right to judge tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
