also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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