I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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