Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
