no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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