And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
