do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
