His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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