here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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