this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
