Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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