if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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