Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
