Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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