Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyone says I win the strip club
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
