It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
