if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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