I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
