I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can text with my tongue
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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