i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
