took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
