life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
