Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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