Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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