hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
