This is not my ceiling
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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